Midnight Movie Reviews! Motel Hell (1980)

"It takes all kinds of critters to make farmer Vincent's fritters!"

Has there ever been a movie more well suited for midnight showings by your favorite horror host? Motel Hell has just the right mix of horror, comedy and all out psychadelic weirdness. Not to mention a special cameo appearance by everyones favorite beer-swilling mailman and Pixar animation mainstay, John Ratzenberger.

The late, great Rory Calhoun stars as Vincent Smith, patriarch of the Farmer Vincent's meat company. he's a seemingly peaceful old farmer who sells meats and runs a dilapadaed motel called Motel Hello. The people of the county seem to love his meats and Farmer Vincent obliges them by selling them all they want. Only, Farmer Vincent doesn't divulge that his secret ingredient isn't anything of the bovine or pork persuasion. In the early morning hours, Farmer Vincent prowls the winding country back roads, looking for "sinners" that he can trap and turn into his next batch of "product". Along with his crazy sister Ida, played by Nancy Parsons, we are taken into a world of utter strangeness and all-out weirdness. Farmer Vincent eventually falls for one of his quarry, a beautiful hitchhiker named Terry played by Nina Axelrod. Contrary to Ida's jealousy, Vincent plans on wedding the much younger Terry. Over time Terry uncovers Farmer Vincents brutal secret and with the help of the local sheriff, helps put Farmer Vincent out of business permanently.

If you want a great classic horror movie where you can grab a bag of chips, sit back, and have a good laugh - you could do much, much worse.

4 out of 5 stars - "Don't pass this one up"

Off Topic, well...kinda - Kentucky Basketball

This is a horror blog, and nothing has been more horrific than Billy Gillispies tenure as the head coach of the University of Kentucky's mens basketball team. Billy has taken the winningest basketball program in the history of college basketball and has taken it to lows that it has not experinced in 30 years!

It's not just a question of coaching. No UK fan wants to see UK lose, thats a given. But the worst part of it all has been Billy's blatant disregard for protecting the image of the University and his incredible stubborness when it comes to how he runs his team. He simply refuses to put his players into a position to win - period. Billy would rather adhere to his stubborn pride than to bench a player who is not helping the team on the court, in favor of benching a player that could help just because they don't work as hard in practice. Thats absurd and is ridiculous. That may be the kind of shit that flies at Texas A&M or UTEP, but it doesn't fly in Lexington, KY. You can not recruit at a top level and refuse to play those top level players that come into your program just to make a point. Worst of all is his refusal to make in-game adjustments, or to switch off of his pressure man-to-man defense to help UK win a game. He doesn't even draw up plays to get his best player, Jodie Meeks, open for shots. He is content with letting Meeks run around in endless circles just hoping to lose his man for a split second to get a single shot off. After the season is over, Meeks ought to be conditoned enough for a 20K run with all fo the running he's done during the season. Hell, he ought to go out for the track team, because then he'd definitely win a national championship.

I have rarely seen Billy use a clipboard during timeouts, thats pretty sad. I guess he just spends timeouts yelling at his players and calling them "Fucking Pussies" and telling them they're not "tough enough". Yeah, now thats how you motivate a player! Here's a thought, why not try DRAWING UP A PLAY during timeouts?

There WILL be a mass exodus of players after the season is over if Billy remains the head coach. Lets hope that the Athletic administration does the right thing and moves Billy out the door because his off-the-court antics are getting tiresome, but his on-the-court antics are even worse.

Youtube screamers reviews! Tainted Milk

Today we're reviewing a video submitted by Youtube user 'ScreamerClauz'.

First off the animation is awesome! Especially when you consider this was made by some guy out there on his home PC. The story is disturbing to say the least, I'm not going to lie and is definitely NSFW but if you have the time, check it out. Again, be forewarned, this is a disturbing video but is put together quite well. Again, if shocking gore and even more shocking sunject matter is your thing, then check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GipAdNAzWjE

I'll keep the review short and sweet- a boy, his dog, an aborted fetus, brutal slayings, the Devil, a touch of beastiality, and a whole lot of disturbia.


My review: 3 out of 5 stars

Golden Age Terrors reviews - Frankenstein

I find it only fitting to start off our Golden Age reviews section with a review of the finest offering from the library of old Universal Monster movies - James Whales 1931 classic, Frankenstein.

Boris Karloff's brilliant turn as the tragic monster is both frighteningly stark as well as deeply saddening. Frankenstein was originally intended to be a follow-up tot he surprisingly popular Dracula starring Bela Lugosi. In fact, Lugosi was offered the part of the monster in which he turned down because of "too much makeup". Although Lugosi would have his own turn as the monster in "Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman".

The story of Dr. Victor Frankensteins attempts at playing God and "giving life" to lifeless matter is one of the most well known stories in literature and celluloid, and this film embodies it the best. Expertly directed, superbly acted, and an endearing classic whose images are unmistakable and will last far beyond the life of it's creators.

5 out of 5 stars - "See it...NOW!"

FEARNET and Chiller!

If your cable or satellite provider does not have either Chiller! or the on demand channel FearNet then contact them...QUICK! For fans of horror, both of these channels (one is a channel and the other is available as a free on-demand service only) are exactly what the doctor ordered. FearNet gives up a monthly offering of movies as well as short interviews with the stars and creators of some of your favorite horror films, both mainstream and indie. You are given a list of movies that varys and changes from month to month. The variety is always nice and some great movies are available (for instance, Friday the 13th, Friday the 13th part 2, The Prince of Darkness, and Monkey Shines are just some of the movies available for immediate viewing anytime this month). The best part about it is that it's absolutely free!

Chiller! isn't great on movies, but if your a fan of older horror-themed TV shows then your in for a treat! Great shows like "Freddy's Nightmares", "Tales From the Crypt", "Monsters", "Friday the 13th", "Night Gallery" and "Tales from the Darkside" are all shown regularly on Chiller!

Midnight Movie Reviews! Night of the Comet (1984)

Every week on "The Horrid Macabre" we will review a retro horror or Sci-Fi flick from the 70's through the 90's.

This weeks offering is the 1984 classicly-bad flick- NIGHT OF THE COMET

"Night of the Comet" is a fun film, although with a corny premise- I mean, what do you expect from a film originally titled "Teenage Mutant Horror Comet Zombies"? The movie stars Catherine Mary Stewart as Regina, a cheer-leading, mall-loving valley girl (who also happens to be a kick-ass gamer) who wakes up one morning after falling asleep at her job at the movie theater to find that everyone's been reduced to piles of red dust in the night by a passing comet. Regina soon discovers that others, including her younger sister, have survived and that most of them have become flesh-eating zombies! Regina and the few "normal" survivors hole up in a radio station and spend the majority of the movie coming to grips with their new reality and fighting to stay alive. It's "Valley Girl" meets "Maximum Overdrive" meets "Return of the Living Dead"! Worst of all, there are other survivors from a secret goverment installation that Regina and her new "crew" have to stop from taking over whats left of L.A.

This movie is standard 80's Sci-Fi fare. Although I would classify Night of the Comet to be above the usual fodder of the first half of the pastel decade.

3 out of 5 stars. "Check it out!"

Off Topic - Kentucky Basketball stinks!

Billy Gillispie is stinking up the joint and his replacement is necessary (and hopefully imminent) to the future success of the UK basketball program. Here's hoping that Mitch Barnhart (the UK AD) does the right thing and cancels Billy's memorandum of understanding and gets someone in here who can a.) coach, and b.) gives a damn about the UK history and tradition of excellence.

That is all.

Where have all the HORROR HOSTS gone?

I miss the days of the late night horror hosts. The bad actors in the even worse costumes on even worse sets ushering us through weekly offerings of some of the best-worst B-movies and Universal horror movies to ever come down the pike. Hosts like Dr. Madblood, Count Gore De Vol, Elvira, The Ghoul, and even Joe Bob Briggs are things of the past. Sure, Richie Koz is still tearing it up on the weekends in Chicago as the most recent reincarnation of Svengoolie, but what happened to the rest of them? For those of us who don't live in the greater Berwyn area, the options are pretty non-existent. I find it almost impossible to sit through a showing of "Forbidden Planet" , "Motel Hell", or "I was a Teenage Vampire" without the assistance of our newly dead hosts and hostesses to guide us through the movie between commercial breaks. Some weekend nights I yearn for the old days in front of a grainy 13 inch color tv with rabbit ears on top watching as the hosts of our local television affiliates and UHF stations delighted us with terrible jokes, awful skits, and generally a pretty great time . Things just seemed simpler back then.

Movie Review- My Bloody Valentine 3D

Although it's been several weeks since I saw this film, I find it fitting to start my blog off with a review of this film since it is the most recent new horror film that I have seen (I know, I know Friday the 13th is out).

I went into seeing this film with a bit of trepidation. On one hand, I was fearful that it would be just another of the recent offerings of horror movies - all gore and no fun. On the other hand, I was really looking forward to the 3D format and the reviews I had read before seeing the movie suggested that the format worked "better than expected" with this film. Man, was I not disappointed. What this movie lacked in substance and plot, it made up for in grisly, gory murders and seemingly hundreds of gallons of faux blood that I gobbled up with feverish delight as I watched character after character being finished off in increasingly more creative fashion that only Jason Voorhee's would admire. Although the movie was characteristicly lacking in what serious film critics would call "quality plot and character development" the film itself delivered just what it promised - a non-stop thrill and chill ride, and just like the old slasher films of old, the killer lives!

This film was alot of fun (the 3D format worked great), evenly paced, and just short enough to hold off a mid-movie bathroom visit. It was great fun!

3 1/2 out of 5 stars "Check it out!"

Good Evening....

I hope you will find time to check back to my blog from time to time where you will find essays and my thoughts in general on the world of horror and sci-fi film and fiction also you will find my thoughts and opinions on everything from politics to religion.

Thanks for looking and check back often.